My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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