dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
