everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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