I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
