At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
