take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
