I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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