the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Im part way to drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
