Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
