After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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