at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
