Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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