my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
