So drunk its hurt
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
