I think my fart just growled at me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't deserve a penis
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
