I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
