i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
