There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
