Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Terrible idea I love it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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