guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you had me at cake vodka
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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