I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
