90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
