My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
