I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I look better un-naked...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
accomplished twins. life is a go
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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