We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
