I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
