so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
4 words: hood of his car
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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