I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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