I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
