The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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