hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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