it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
