I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
