He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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