bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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