They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
