Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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