Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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