no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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