she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
