I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
