Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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