Everything about him screamed your future.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
