are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
