If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
