Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
