do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
