I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
