Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
