I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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