She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize