Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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