you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
