Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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