walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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