would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
