love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
