The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
