A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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