Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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