so that wasnt chicken after all
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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