I smell stomach acid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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