i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
