turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
