is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
