You're my little dorito
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As shirtless as possible
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
